Do you know what? I hate her. I hate Tamzin Demant. Now this may not be big news, but it is really confusing me right now, because her address is still on my contact list and I still haven't blocked and deleted her. I still haven't completely removed that connection. I can't. I hate her and I never intend to speak to her again, but still I have a problem taking away the connection so that I can't. I guess the 1% love in my love / hate feelings for her is showing through.

In other news, I still have to buy my step father a birthday gift and I only have �10. I'm going to go to borders and see what I can find I guess. I'm thinking I'll route through the politics section and see what I can find for under a tenner. It's probably going to be chocolates and a card.

Oh well, he'll live.

As for my birthday my mum's said that she's just going to give me money even though she hates it. Oh and a small "from me to you on your sixteenth" present, which I think is going to be this locket that's been passed down the family. Her mum gave it to her, and her dad gave it to her, and his mum gave it to him (the tradition is that it goes to the eldest daughter unless there is no daughter, otherwise it goes to the eldest niece. If there is no niece it goes to the eldest son for him to give to his eldest daughter) It's a locket though, you'll never catch me wearing it. Well maybe I will on my birthday. But I'm not the locket sort of person. I'm not pretty enough.

I had an interesting invention last night. Peanut butter and banana sandwiches. DELICIOUS!

Okay here's the deal with my appearance, I think I've learned something. Here's what I already knew - I'm not conventionally pretty, I'm not sexy, guys do not fall head over heals for me, this is not because I don't make an effort which is popular opinion, I feel like slapping people who say that because I do. But here's what I learned - I don't care.

Jesus, so what if all of my friends get boyfriends / girlfriends and I don't. I do not care. What the hell do I want one for? Really? For the purpose of knowing I can get one? Well I already know the answer to that, it's just not the answer I want. For the purpose of being comforted and told that all is alright and to be cared about.. I already have people who care about me. I already have people who love me. Or is it that I want somebody to love? I think that I already do.. or maybe not.. I'm kind of fuzzy around there. But you'd think that if it was love I'd know. Is it for the sex? I think a straight forward "no" would work there. It is merely for the self satisfaction that it would offer. And that's just not right.

But the thing is, I don't care. I have given up on caring what people think of me. I have given up on caring if I die a virgin. I don't care. The only thing that kind of annoys me is when all the people around me hook up, that gets annoying. Not because I'm not involved, just because it's annoying. And usually I suspect that if I were involved it would be less so. But as of now, I do not care. No I'm not in denial, I have just given up on caring.

Most likely I'll be singing a different tune tomorrow. We'll see.>