I have compiled a list of the top 10 things a person can say to me to spoil my week.

1. The world is going to end in twenty minutes.

2. I'm going to kill myself.

3. I hate you and am going to kill you (This only works if I have no idea why)

4. I think X is going to kill themself.

5. Your forehead looks like the crater of the moon / a shooting range.

6. Oh yeah, by the way, I also have a self harm habit / an eating disorder / a mental illness / a terminal illness / drugs problem / alcohol problem / all of the above.

7. Oh I hear America's planning on bombing the crap out of (Country of your choice - preferably somewhere where somebody close to you has a lot of family)

8. Oh my God, why do you wear earrings? They draw attention to your ears!

9. You're bisexual!? Ooooh I'm gonna pray for you!

10. Oh did you do the 10 page politics essay?>