Going to fight Tamzin was wrong. I shouldn't have done it. Even when I was there and she was talking me into the ground and it got the point where I'd look worse for not hitting her, I shouldn't have done it. Violence doesn't solve anything not really.

Hitting her when she hit Sibz would have been different. Smacking her in the mouth just after she'd said I was too scared to stand up for my friend would have made me happy. But going to fight her - that was cheap. Violence solves nothing. Smacking someone doesn't make them see your view point. I mean why the hell would it? I've always known that violence doesn't hold the answers.. fuck you Randy, I love you, but fuck you. Why did you have to make me think that it did? To quote radiohead: "For a minute there I lost myself..."

But there we are, my soul just turned up in the lost and found and I've reclaimed it. I'm sorry for neglecting you dear. Er.. not that I actually believe in the existance of a soul.. but there we go.

I'm getting better I think. I'm becoming a better person. I'm learning everything the hard way of course... meh, but that's the only way I can learn. I don't listen to anybody else.

Well everybody else was more or less telling me to do it.

Except Sibz.

I'm sorry Sibz.

There are just no words to describe how much I would have been the better person if I could do it all over again. Either that or I woould have smacked her in the first place. I'm sorry... I don't know to who. I'm sorry to myself. And I'm sorry to you Sibz, for not standing up for you in the first place and not hitting her then and there, and then for going to fight her when you specifically said not to. And I'm sorry to Kalim and Ben for behaving like such a moron, and even more sorry to Kalim for letting him see that.. I mean I can't be held accountable for Tamzin's actions, but there was no point. And I'm just sorry that's what I did. Mostly I'm just sorry to myself for letting myself down on a moral decision.

Randy doesn't understand. At all. It's frustrating, but I know that I was wrong. By my own morals I was wrong. God I'm sorry.>