Well, for all of you who don't already know, Ryan broke up with me. Funny how I said he would and nobody believed me. Funny how I'm always right about this shit. Maybe it's self fufilling prophecy. Maybe it's my own bad fucking luck.

Well anyway, I don't know what I want and I don't really know how to get it either. But I'm making a guess.. And I hope that this guess is right, because if it isn't... I'm going to be very tempted to TRY to do something that would fall into the "immoral" category.

It all works on one principle... and I don't think I really care to share it right now.

Oh by the way, don't get the wrong impression. I'm not actually that upset about Ryan. I cried solidly for all of 5 minutes and then seemed miraculously over it and ready to start cleaning up the mess. I don't know.. maybe I didn't care about him as much as I thought? Maybe I do and I'm repressing it? I don't know. I don't really care. I just want to make my life better. And I don't suppose dwelling on an ex boyfriend is going to do me a whole lot of good.

I'm just glad we broke up after I had the reflective and thoughtful holiday or I would have been unhappy, not reflective or thoughtful, and increadibly tempted to just jump off a cliff and end it all (Yes, I know I'm melodramatic, but when one thing fucks up it seems like it's barely worth living for me)

But fuck man. Previous entry. List of 100 things that I love. When I wrote that list, I knew Ryan and I were going to break up and I wrote it anyway. Just saying. Life's not all bad. Or even bad at all. A week and all the awkwardness will have passed, and me and Ryan can go back to being friends. I can improve my relationships with other people and not be devoting all my time to one thing.

Come on Annie. Go to bed. Go to sleep. Wake up tomorrow. Go to politics. Learn interesting things. Spend your lunchtime doing your English homework (you fuckup) then you can go to English. Learn some things. You'll get to see Ryan and talk to him, try to calm the atmosphere down. Then you can talk to Nathan, you have to try hard with Nathan because he's difficult. And he'll be sympathetic. You might even get a hug out of him. And you can talk to Ezra, that's your best hope of normal conversation. Yes this does show that you have some weird friends, but there's no need to worry about that. You wouldn't like them if they were normal. Now go to bed Annie. I still love you even though you are a stupid fuckup.>