I hate materialism, and yet I'm such a sucker for it.

New clothes don't make me happy. I mean they do for 20 minutes, but after that, I kind of lose interest. Nobody notices my clothes, I don't notice my clothes. What's the point? I'm just spending money on stuff that I do not need and I know that, but I don't want to stop, because every time I see something in Camden, I want it.

I'm a capitalist at heart. I love the game monopoly with all my heart and soul, I just love knowing that as I get more money, everybody else is losing more and more money because of it. It just makes me really happy. When I'm playing with a lot of peopel, they all have to gang up on me and make deals to beat me, and even then, usually it doesn't work.

But I'm lonely at the moment. Permanance is an illusion. Every day it's somebody different who I look forward to seeing. Do I really care about any of them? Maybe..

On Monday, the person I'm looking forward to seeing is Ben (From my history class). I wonder if that will change throughout the week. It's possible. Probable even. But I've decided that Ben is my best hope of a stable friendship. Hm...

The only thing hindering this is that I'm getting a vauge impression that he might like me in more ways that one. I don't know. I hope not, because I'm just... I just want someone to talk to, really, that's all I want at the moment. I don't know... I just don't know.

I just don't know what to doooo with myself *sings*

I'm not attractive. That's another illusion that the makeup and the new self confidence create.

Anyhow, I have to go now. Babysitting my sister's friend tonight.>