I just wrote a big long entry. If I'd left it there, your little faces would have sparkled with joy cause you would have had some great big insight into the inner workings of my mind - You would have been stunned. Unfortunately for you, I wasn't ready to admit that yet.

Something that I am ready to admit.

I don't like people my age much. I think they're boring, irritating and childish. Their personalities are underdeveloped and half of them are all exactly the same. Maybe I fit into that category too, I don't know. But the point is, I really dislike teenagers. It's the arrogance combined with the stupidity. It's just too much to verbalise. I mean it starts off with certain stereotypes that I hate, and then I realise that I just covered the entire teenage population and then.. oh I don't know. I just know that as much as I hate them I am one. And I try my best to fit the stereotype too.

But it's why I keep saying I don't think I'm really meant to have friends. My friends really have fuck all in common with me. They bore me, I bore them. I like them. But I bore them. What I really need are friends who care about the same things as me, and I'm looking in all the wrong places. I should have tried harder when all the anti-war marches were going on. The majority of people there who were my age actually cared. Like, really cared. More than just wanting to let off a bit of steam about a war they don't really agree with. Most of them cared passionately. It would have been a good place to make friends. Or even better the youth against war thingy Sam and I showed up to. Cool people there. Could have made friends. Didn't.

But there are ways of finding other people who give a fuck. There are people out there who love Michael Moore as much as I do. There are people out there who hate George Bush as much as I do. There are people out there who hate organised religion as much as I do. There are all kinds of people out there, and I'm going to find them. I'm fed up of clinging to whatever comes along. There are things I care about more than anything else in the world which I can't talk about because my friends would get too bored. And it's sad and bad and mad but those things matter more than my friends. They matter more than my family. They matter more than my life. They matter more than anybody on this Earth will ever matter. If it were a choice between making the American media fair and unbiased or all of my friends' and families' lives, I'd be going to a bunch of funerals.

I don't know if I'm putting this well, but I think you're getting the picture.

I wonder how Ryan knows.

I wonder if he knows how very brave...>