Most books and films have certain factors in common.

You have a likeable main character (whether they're "good" or "evil" is irrelevant, they're usually likeable)

Your likeable main character usually has close friends who are loyal, not fucked up, and will stick by them.

There will be bad people, who are annoying, fat, ugly... anything that might make their life hell... who your likeable main character hates.

If your likeable character was single at the begining of the book, they're bound to come out not single.

If your likeable character was depressed at the begining of the book, they're bound to come out happy.

If your likeable character has a mission, they're bound to succeed.

Even if the story has a sad ending, they always throw in a spot of unrealistic hope.

This is why books and films and television programmes are not at all like real life. Not everybody fits those categories. I'm not a particularly likeable person. I mean I'm okay, but there's nothing about me that's particularly likeable. In fact, I'm rather irritatng. I'm not surrounded by friends, and the friends I do have, I'm sorry to say it, but I'd hardly trust them to follow me to the ends of the Earth. There are bad people, but they're the good looking, lucky, articulate ones, and I don't hate them, I'm drawn to them like a safety pin to a magnet. I'm single, unhappy and bound to fail any mission that I greatly care about, because any mission I greatly care about is way too big.

Characters in books and films are also lucky. They will repeatedly live in life or death situations in which the chances of dying are like 80%.

I'm determined to write a book that relates to real fucking life.>