I was talking to Ezra today. For the first time in ages he was the one who initiated conversation. Sat down with me when he could have been doing other things. We talked about many things, but one of the things that came up was Nathan. I just kind of needed to get my thoughts about him out to someone. Because Nathan is always dead nice to me, but I'm constantly hearing about how much of a biggoted asshole he is. So I thought I'd get everything out to someone I perceive as pretty unbiased - Ezra.

I was going to write the details of the conversation here, but basically the gist of what he said was that I shouldn't judge Nathan based on other people's experiences with him. He was also exceptionally nice about him for Ezra, Ezra's usually bitchy about everyone, especially if they're as easy a target as Nathan. I mean he described Jo as "Redhead who has a bad habit of wearing bits of millitary uniform?" and she isn't a particularly easy target. But anyway, yeah, then he went off on a tangent about how I shouldn't need other people to give me justification for my actions and how my self esteem sucks and I should do something about it, and not blame other people and about a million other things. But anyway, I really enjoyed talking to him.

I also got a good conversation with Steven in. It was actually kind of funny, I was walking to college and he kind of grabbed my rucksack and went, "Gimme your bag!" in the 10 seconds or so it took me to recognise his voice, the thoughts that went through my head were, "The second I get a phone...", "I'm gonna turn round and punch this motherfucker" and "Ha, he's having a laugh" well we had a talk, and the end result of that was actually me feeling a bit less like an outsider (as he admitted that he actually doesn't like Jo, and he doesn't like Jessie) Now I actually do like Jo, but Jessie I kind of have to agree with him on... anyway, it made me feel slightly less hated. He was talking about how much he loves London, and I was talking about how much I have to get out of it.

I also had a talk with um... JD! I remembered his name! Anyhow, yeah, I was talking to him too, he's cool. Odd. I think he's part of a conspiricy between Sibz, Ryan and him to make my lfie as confusing as possible.

Anyway, my life seems to be picking up a bit again. Spending a lot of time by myself is actually giving my emotions a bit of time to even out. Life isn't that bad. I just need to get something going. I need to find a hobby.

And you know what's really funny? I haven't done my English homework for tomorrow yet! And all it is, is to write a poem! And I write poems all the time! But cannot think of ANYTHING!

So yeah, anyway, might as well be happy. Tomorrow's a new day.>