Jesus Christ. I have fucked everything up so badly. I am such a fuckup. And due to certain conventions I don't know that I can really say in my diary what I want to say. I'm going to say it anyway though. I like James, but I wish I hadn't gone out with him. I mean, I'm not going to break up with him, mostly because I wouldn't have a clue how to do it, but Ezra is still on my mind an awful lot. Perhaps more than James is. And that is just the most fucked up thing ever... I mean... I don't mean to, but I feel like such a bitch. I feel like I'm using James cause I can't get who I really want. Or I'm just waiting for someone better to come along or something. But God... This is wrong.

I don't know. I do like James. And that's not a lie, I do. But if I could do it all again, I wouldn't have gone out with him, not cause I didn't like him plenty, just cause I should have predicted ... I don't know. I feel like... such a complete and utter bitch. Maybe I should tell him this, but I mean, how the hell does a person do that, "Err I'm not breaking up with you, but I wish I hadn't gone out with you, cause I still actually really like someone I nearly got together with a few weeks back."

I am. I'm a horrible person. I can't say anything now. I just... I dunno.

It's not just that. I feel like I've fucked everything up.

So teenagey.

So angsty.

So melodramatic.>