Hm... well I'm pretty sure I've hit the limit about now. The point where I can no longer really critisise anybody else for anything if I want to retain any sort of self respect. I'm so... depressed and amused at the same time. Amused by reading over my diary more than anything else. It is funny. "I'm so depressed", "I'm so happy", "I'm so depressed", "I'm so happy", "I can't believe my friends are so fucked up", "I can't believe I'm so fucked up", "I hate all my friends", "I love all my friends", "I hate Tamzin", "I love Tamzin"

The inconsistencies are stifling.

Jesus I need some emotional stability here, cause I'm begining to think I'm completely insane. Why must I always go to polar extremes about everything? Why can't I just be settled and balanced and normal.

Oh right, I'm sixteen.

Is this normal even for a hormonal and angsty teenager? I don't think so. Am I in any way shape or form normal in any of my thoughts, feelings or views? Is any part of me vaugely normal. I mean I have traits that are common I suppose, but nothing like normal.

Ah, I get it. People have been saying it for so long and it only just hits me. HELLO. ALARM BELLS. There's no such thing as normal you stupid freak! But this is abnormal. If there's no such thing as normal is there still such a thing as abnormal? Probably not, logic would dictate.

Okay, so if there's no such thing as abnormal and no such thing as normal why do people deem me abnormal and other people normal? Am I just repressed? Am I abnormal only in the society I live in? Is there some kind of scale and it's just that nobody's really on either end of the pole?

Excuse me if I seem confusing. I'm a bit confused. It's so blatant, for fucks sake. I wish I was good at being subtle. I don't know how people pull it off. Colour co-ordinated clothes would probably help.

3 hour gap in the middle of my day tomorrow. Ben (Polish) also has a gap. Isn't that lovely? I get to spend .. wait hang on.. gap from about 11:00 usually (sometimes earlier, sometimes later) til 3:40. Wow. More than three hours by quite a lot. Nearly 5 hours in the library with Ben. Well. Okay, possibly an hour of that will be spent out at lunch, but still. That's awful. I guess I could go home but this little thing, intense laziness, prevents me from doing that.

God Damn it. What is wrong with me? What's wrong with the world? This is fucked. Seriously fucked. >