Have you ever felt like you were in a complete daze? Sure that you were asleep despite everything seeming to make sense? Have you ever felt like if you clicked "edit" then "undo" things would be different? Nothing seems real.

Right now my life seems.. false. I go to school and talk to Ryan, I come home and flirt with Ryan on msn, at the weekend, I miss Ryan. I'm not going to turn this into some stupid lovey dovey awww entry. I'm just saying that this doesn't seem real. It's too much like ... I'm focussing on one thing for it to be a dream.

I think this is one of the only things that I've really wanted for myself. I mean obviously I've wanted other things to happen, but never this intensely. Never this specifically.

There have been things that I intensely haven't wanted, and there have been things that I've longed for. I've longed to be loved, I've longed to be beautiful, to be thin, to be dictator of the world. But a specific person? Never. It seems so stupid.

I feel like I'm in the middle of a dream and I'm going to wake up soon. Things don't change this fast in real life.

I really like orange Ryan.

But I still like Ryan Mcginn and I can't deny that I don't.>