I'm writing another entry today because the previous one was boring and I'm also bored because I'm trying to cut back on msn. Lots. At midnight it will have been 24 hours.

How am I going to survive communicating with Randy only through e-mail? I don't know. But it is going to last the best part of the summer I hope. Frankly the reason for this is that I want to be alone a bit. Cut myself off to an extent. I really do need to be alone, just to sit and think and figure things out and to spend months in my room excercising until I have a perfect body. (Yeah okay, I'm shallow and sad, but that really is not anything close to the main reason)

I finished reading the Harry Potter book, and so I no longer feel like I am part of a fad. Oh yeah and the other thing about Burgerking and Tamzin too is that when I first said i was bisexual they thought I was just saying it for attention or that it was a phase. That actually hurt quite a lot.

I'm now reading a biography of Malcolm X, written by Bruce Perry. Interesting stuff. When I've finished that I have one on Courtney Love. I want to read the bible too though. I KNOW my mum has a copy, but I'm to embarrassed to ask her. She'd think I was joining a religious cult or something. No no mother, I just want to know my enemy. And be a tad more open minded. Then when I've read the bible I want to read the Qu'aran (badly spelled i know..) But I was talking to someone and he said he tried to read it once, and it was really tricky. Which is disheatening seeing as he's practically a genius. But i'm gonna give it a go.

It's so funny, my mum's friend's charlie's kid decided that the way to rebel against her parents was to become a Christian. And she's right, it's really winding her parents up. Espcially her mum.

I would quote what I'm listening to, but i'm too ashamed to admit it.. Oh what the hell..

Do not judge my musical taste on this..

Of all the things I believed in

I just wanna get it over with

Tears from behind my eyes

But I do not cry

Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul

Words that I'm hearing

Are starting to get old

Feels like I'm starting

All over again

The last 3 years were just pretend

Very badly transcribed. I can't even put it into song format properly, but it kinda reflects my mood.. And God I'm ashamed. I don't usually listen to Michelle Branch.

---Later Comments On Entry--- 20/08/03 By the way that cutting myself off thing lasted about 2 days.>