It just doesn't matter does it? It doesn't matter how long somebody's been your friend, they're still bound to stab you in the back sooner or later.

The only 2 friends I've had all the way through school, even when I didn't have proper friends, even when everyone in my school was against me, EVERYONE, no grudging respect from some people as I have now, everyone. Two friends who I can hate sometimes but really actually mean.. meant? a lot to me.. well when it comes down to it I'm not really that important to them am I?

Maybe I don't even have a valid reason to be so upset.. maybe I've been crying continuously for the past half hour for no reason.. maybe I'll realise it means nothing in a minute and stop, maybe I shouldn't have expected them to care about me in the first place.

Why though? Why is them going to the cinema which they do all the time with all their other friends, where although Kalim halfheartedly invited me to go as well, Ben said I might not be welcome. They didn't have to go, Ben just said he was going and while Kalim was initially trying to convince him not to go, eventually when Ben said, are you coming or not, despite looking at me at the same time he eventually said yes.

I just said fine and turned the other way to go home, Ben halfheartedly said "I'll call you Annie" (because he thinks all I'm worried about is that I'll never see him again) I don't know if they knew I was already crying when I said "Don't bother" but they didn't see. They probably don't even care. But they don't know how much going out today meant to me. They don't know how much I hurt now.

They were the only 2 people who have been there for the last 5 years, they're the only 2 people who've been doing Latin with me all the time, who've talked to me at registration, who've reassured me for the last 5 years when I've felt so unwanted, and it all means nothing.

Yeah maybe I'm being melodramatic, but not purposefully, it really did mean a lot to me, to go out and do something after the exams, but instead they rejected me for Tommy and Alex and all those people.

I hope I never see them again, I really do.>