Argh! I just deleted this entire entry by accident. Okay I'm just going to have to do it again, because I need to vent these emotions.

I woke up this morning realising quite how much I detested that bitch yesterday. Not because of her slapping me - no, she was actually pretty justified in that, but I just didn't like her.

The reason I say she was justified is that if she'd said to me anything that her religion preaches (gay people are evil, women are evil, Jews are evil etc) I would have punched her full in the face and hopefully knocked both her and a couple of teeth out. Then kicked her in the head with steel capped boots. But she didn't. I was the one who said something offensive (I don't really see how, but I'll just assume that I did)

Now my thing with Christianity is this: I don't want to upset or hurt Lizzie and certainly not Sibz in any way at all. I really don't. But Christianity is something that I find to be an offensive pile of bullshit. It's like fascism. I mean if I said Hitler was ugly would I get slapped for insulting people's political beliefs? And if they knew how much I hated it they wouldn't ask me to show respect for it.

It disgusts me. It is practically like Nazism: anti semitic, homophobic and sexist.. that's more or less it right? The only difference is that Christians aren't shoving people in death camps.. Which okay I will hand it to them, that's rather a big difference. But it does kind of repulse me.

Actually I think the only reason I hate that girl so much is that she slapped me and I only got to slap her back, when I really would have liked to have gotten into my first fight then and there. Perfect location. It's kind of frustrating, because I think I could have taken her.. she was quite skinny and little and didn't seem too strong. By the way when I say I would have liked to, that doesn't mean I would have. Of course I wouldn't have. Apparantly it's bad manners to tell your friends' friends that you think that their religion is bullshit, but even I know that it's bad manners to beat the crap out of your friends' friends. Not that I know I would have been able to, please don't get me wrong, I can't be sure. But I have been practicing quite a lot (Since Tamzin hit me last year) and Kalim said I could beat up most girls now.

On a more important and serious note, I was talking to my step half uncle Sam last night for quite a long time. Several hours. and well.. he showed vulnerability, which was a first.

He said that death would be a blessing right now (lol, he said that it'd be cool to get cigarettes with different coloured smoke, and then I said it'd probably turn your lungs different colours, and he said yeah and it'd probably give you cancer quicker, but then he went on to say that death would be a blessing) he honestly thinks that this world is godawful, disgusting, cruel, harsh, you name it. And he doesn't want to grow up in it. He condemns those who bring children into this world, he really does. And he said the only reason he wouldn't kill himself is that it's selfish. And I believe that he won't... but that is really sad

We were also talking about other stuff, religion for one, we were bitching about it for hours, and he told me about this well cool religion (Well... cool, but I wouldn't like to practice it) Which is basically a branch off of Christianity, and they don't believe in electricity or music or anything, and take everything the bible says completely literally. He said to start practicing it to piss my christian friends off and to make them beg me to be an atheist.. psh, but I decided against it (unsuprisingly) At least I know that Uncle Sam's on my side..

Argh, it's not that I mind Christians in themselves, I just think their religion is pure fascist idiocy. It's classist, homophobic, sexist, anti-semitic, arrogant bullshit designed to keep the commoners in line, offering explanations which while they would have made sense once, have now so much scientific evidence defying them. And I'm repeating the same thing over and over. I'm sorry. It's not the Christians though, I love Lizzie and Steph and Charlene (although i seriously doubt Steph's belief in God sometimes) and I wouldn't want to upset them. I really wouldn't. There's just something they follow than I cannot condone.

I feel the same about Judaism and Islam, and I don't know enough about Hinduism, Sikhism or Buddhism to judge. Wicca is bullshit too, but at least it isn't offensive bullshit. God do you think I can go a few paragraphs without saying bullshit? psh, I'll give it a go.

Anyway, I really hate to upset or annoy or hurt or do anything bad to Sibz or Lizzie (and Sam either I guess) I adore all of them. I just don't know how I can remain myself and still be able to not offend them. Frankly if I could be open minded towards Christianity (which I can't) I wouldn't, because I don't see why I should be open minded to something that hypocritical and closedminded.. Well anyway my point is that I don't want to upset my friends, but this is what I think. And I will say what i think and nothing is going to change this.>