So I just woke up... at 10 to 2 in the afternoon (read previous entry and you will see the reason for this) and nobody's online and I'm very bored. (Sorry, I know it's boring to tell people that you're bored) My sister is begging me to take her out, but I have no money. If I did I'm probably bored enough that I would.

You know I just found enough money, and yet again my mother will not let me take them out. Every time she finds a different excuse, I think it's just that she doesn't trust me. Or as she says, she's inclined to "prefer them in" God I feel sorry for those children, almost as much as I feel sorry for myself under nearly 16 years of her tyranical rein. They aren't going to be exposed to anything. She doesn't even want them out in the fucking rain. I mean they're going to be so sheltered that they can't work out their left and right without using a fucking compass. Christ. I told her that I detested her, despised her and hated her. I stopped short of echoing Randy's now fast fading words on Sibz, and calling her a henious bitch.

Well now I have exactly �2. I cannot buy Ruth the chocolate milkshake from mc donalds she's been after (she's only ever had one milkshake from there because Andrew (that's my step dad) detests, despises and hates mc donalds food, and he's the only one who will fucking well take them out) My mother is such a fat, lazy slob.

I just got one of those feelings where I just feel like killing myself. Not because I can't take my sisters out, on the contrary I never actually really wanted to, just because I feel like nobody even gives a fuck about me, and my life is worthless and my room is a mess and I'm not really going to get to become dictator of the world (Don't laugh, I really want to) so I can't really make things better. I have nothing to offer this world. There is nobody who couldn't live without me, because you learn to live without people. Randy makes my life so so so much easier, but frankly if he dropped off right now, whilst I'd be very sad, I'd get over it. Even if one of my sisters or Sam or Sibz dropped off, I'd get over it. That may sound a little heartless, but it's the way that life goes isn't it?

You know, Polly told Jordan I said mean things about her, and she implied that there was a lot, then I told Jordan the one and only mean thing I said, and what I meant, and Polly could not think of anything else. You know why? Because there wasn't anything else. That pisses me off. A lot.

Well I'll end it here. Thanks for reading *charming smile*>