Howdy friends. Well yeah.. I'm more or less here to say that.

You know what bothers me? My attitude. No, it's not that I'm rude, it's not that I'm overly whiney (Although I can be) and it's not that I'm openly condescending. What bothers me is that I'm pretty sure that privately I do think that I'm better than everyone in the world. Well not everyone, but most people. And even those that I don't think I'm better than, I usually think I know better than.

I'm not exactly sure how to explain this.. because it's not something I exactly think, it's just something I feel. I honestly think that I'm the most likely person to change the world, and I wouldn't be too shocked if I saw 40 years into the future and I really was dictator of the world. Of course I wouldn't be too shocked if I was a junkie working at mc donalds either, but that's beside the point. I really do think that I have the potential to change things. Not just that, but... for all the communism in my blood, I think I'm kinda classist.

Let me explain that part as well... well actually I think you kinda know what I mean. I went to a school in inner city london where all the people were working class, and well, morons. That may not be because they're working class, but it's just how they act, and how they act is because of how they've been brought up. you see where i'm going here? Also it's not like how it used to be, a lot of the reason working class people are working class these days is because they're not too bright, and we all know what I think of stupid people. Okay I'm using pathetic justifications here. I know these feelings are wrong, I just can't stop them

So yeah, there you are, I'm an arrogant bitch and I'm classist. Oh and that goes for upper class people, I can't help but think of them as evil snobs. But then again, isn't that what I am? And you knmow the other problem is that I know this is how bad things start. It's how class hatred happens. The bourgeois (don't think I spelled that right) looks down on the proletarians and the proletarians get a bit pissed off and feel they're being looked down on, and then they start a revolution and then we get people like Stalin. And being someone who in theory would like to be completely unprejudiced, and certainly not classist... I mean in theory I'm not. I know poor people are no worse or better than middle or upper class people, but from experience I have been taught to think otherwise, and my only two options are to fight it or accept it.

Of course I choose to fight.

I can't just accept things that go completely, absolutely, 100% against my morals. What else have I done in the past that went completely against my morals? I remember 2 things, both relating to what a goody 2 shoes I used to be..

The first was when a teacher went out of the room, and he asked me to write down the names of anyone who fucked about. I told the class they could do what the hell they wanted. But then I tried to calm them down so the teacher would realise nothing when he came back in (if they were fucking around, but there were no names on my list he'd know I deceived him) so when I couldn't quieten them down I put some random names on the list. All of the people were pissing about but nevertheless it was random. I was 13 years old.

The other occassion was when I was slightly younger, but I believe it to be the worse occasion. I told on a friend of mine. I can't remember exactly what I ratted her out for, but it wasn't because of that, it was because she pissed me off. So yeah, what a little good and sweet child I was. One who stabbed her friends in the back.

Maybe it's Karma that causes me to get stabbed in the back by so much.

There's another thing too, but I really don't want to go into that. But it's worse.

Oh yes, I now have 10 of Tristan's gold stars. Woohoo! Just another 90 to go!

I was telling my step half uncle what my stars are for, I said "1s for promising never to do heroin, cocaine, ketamine, extacy or any solvents, 1s for guessing which composer he was listening to, and 3 are for saying something to someone which I will not repeat" and he was like "fuck it must have been big if you only got 1 for promsing never to do hard drugs" ha, but the condition with the drugs one is that i lose 2 if he finds out that i've done acid, alas. Alas.

Oh and the other star is a sympathy star for not having any beer.

Oh yes, Randy thinks Sibz is so much better looking than me. But then he was ilke "Yeah, but I get the impression you're more ... adventurous" (lol, we were discussing who he's rooming with if he comes to live in England) and then I confessed, "nah, sibz is the kinky one" but I didn't mention to him that I'd be pretty kinky ... I mean I don't think there's anything Sibz would be up for that I wouldn't.. well except maybe sex with 2 men, but I don't think Randy really wants to be having a threesome with another man.. could be wrong though, Tristan says that any man who claims not to want to is just repressing their gayness.

I had a dream about Sibz and Sam and Lizzie last night. It was quite odd. We were in a massive swimming pool, with a big slide, and the lights were off, and it was pitch black, and we were playing hide and seek. And when we found someone we had to dive under the water and grab their leg.. quite creepy really. I think I'd enjoy it if I got the chance though.

Actually that's an idea for a story..

Well anyhow, I'm off.>