I know I've already written today (well I guess technically that was yesterday) but I'm going to write another one. Just to fill you all in on the rest of what we did today, cause I just wrote what I bought, which is more than just a little self absorbed.

So what else did we do? Well Sam was falling asleep the whole time so when we got back he pretty much went straight home. Sibz and I bought some alcohol, she bought some.. thing.. in a bottle, I dunno what it was, and I got a beer. Boring old predictable Annie. Unfortunately it takes me ages to drink beer because the taste is just a bit.. I don't know.. but I can only drink it slowly, and unfortunately I chose a beer I didn't particularly like, so it was even slower.

You know what the sad thing is? It was the first time that I've actually bought something that I was too young to buy. I mean obviously I've smoked and drank before, but yeah.. it was seriously the first time I think. I was amazed.. well.. obviosuly they knew we weren't 18, but oh well, they didn't care.

We sat in the park in the rain talking. We talked about Joe and Sam and Randy and depression and suicide and I also told her some things that nobody else knows except for Randy (and a couple of people off the internet, but Randy's the only *real* one.) But yeah.. I don't know what I was really expecting, but I was impressed with her calm sympathetic face, I don't think I'll be scared to tell her anything anymore. But it's not that I was scared of her reaction, it was that I didn't know how to phrase it. In fact I still phrased it badly, but oh well it didn't matter.

So who was the best person to tell out of the two? Well I think Sibz wins purely out of the fact that she didn't throw in the "Don't make it a habit" line. Grrrrrr... he should learn to say something different.

Randy's scary, Sibz wants to know stuff about him, but it's weird, every time something comes up that I didn't know before I start laughing at him, like the revelation that he's worn a dog collar before, that had me in stitches. He just doesn't seem like the give a fuck about fasion dog collar wearing type. It gave me a good laugh though. Heh.

Hm.... what else... oh yeah, Jesus man, I really wish we hadn't brought Joe up again. What's the point? There's nothing we can do. He doesn't care about us. He doesn't care what we think. He doesn't want anybodys help. It's his life and sometimes I feel like he knows better than us. Logically I know of course that he doesn't, but it sure as hell feels like he's in control.

Oh and I have an insect bite EXACTLY where my staple scar is. I hate that scar. I really really hate it. I mean it was the most stupid thing too, I was sitting in history feeling bored and guilty so I tried to draw blood with a staple. It failed but I did end up with a fucking scar there. It's about 2 years old now I think. Santa. It's just not going to go away.>