It occured to me the other day, how our freedom has been decreasing over the years. Like once upon a time it wouldn't have been too out of line to just kill someone who pissed you off. Or to have a huge great big house with 10 bedrooms and servants. But over the years, laws have tightened and the population has grown.

But it seemed odd to me the other day when I was in the car with my mum and step dad that we were actually allowed to go out, and we were allowed to go where we pleased and choose the colour of the car we had. We're even allowed to do things that aren't sensible. Everything is put in black and white though. It seems like if the government had the choice they'd work us to death in school and then just dump us in whatever job was suitable for the amount of work they could make us do, and force us to keep the job and never change it. While all the time fooling us that we had any sort of freedom.

This really really really bothers me. I don't want to grow up and just get a job and get paid and settle down and let my natural instinct take over me, trying to find compainonship, and then have lots of little baby annies and they can grow up and have the same worthless life that I've had. (So far! I realise I'm only 16)

I'm not worth anything unless I become dictator of the world. I seriously feel like that. I feel helpless against all the suffering and I want to make it all better and I will hate myself unless I do one good thing to change the world. I have to. Feelings of inadequacy apparently

I was reading a book last night "The curious incident of the dog" it was really good actually. It was about this 15 year old autistic boy who goes to "special school" and he hates the colour yellow and won't touch anything yellow and loves the colour red. And he has a fixation on prime numbers, and i quote: "Chapters in books are usually given the cardinal numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and so on. But I have decided to give my chapters prime numbers 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13 and so on because I like prime numbers" anyway, oh yeah this guys really really cleaver, he's 15 and he's the first person at his "special school" to be taking an A level. And yeah, it's really odd because now and then he goes off into a complex mathematical or scientific rant that I don't understand and at other times he's drawing pictures of smiley faces and saying what the emotions mean and when he feels them. *giggles* he says Siobhan taught him too. Siobhan is his teacher at special school. Siobhan goes to special school!! No, i'm gonna stop making the special school jokes, cuase it was really cool, if a little tedious towards the end. Well actually the boy was making jokes about the other people in special school most the time, he kept saying they were stupid and not very interesting. And Siobhan told him not to tell their parents that.

Oh it was a good book. Only took me a couple of hours too (probably takes less if you don't stop to work out the scientific and maths bits. I stopped for the science bits but couldn't be bothered with the maths bits, I tried but didn't understand it at all, the science bits were fascinating though, I learned quite a lot, I learned the 2 types of heart attack)

But yeah.. it was good. and i'm not making any more special school jokes.>