I blocked and deleted her from my contact list. Finally. I was going to wait until she came online, and then change my name to "goodbye" or something of the sort. But then it occurred to me that I hate her, and I don't care what she thinks, or whether she knows I'm in any way sorry to let her go. Am I sorry? Maybe a little. Maybe a little. I guess I can't help remembering all the times that she's made my life that little bit happier.

Like this one parents evening, I had an argument with my mum and stormed out, and Tamzin came out and convinced me to go back inside and talk to my mum. And then exactly a year later the EXACT same thing happened, and it was so amusing, she simply said "Wow this is getting to be a regular occurance isn't it" and then when I went back inside with her and my mum came over she said something like "Well I guess we'll be doing this again next year" and I said "Yeah" and then it was all okay. And I felt happy.

And I can't help but remember the night we broke up for study leave and we all got drunk in the park, and Tamzin said she'd be "honoured" to walk me home afterwards. And she signed my school shirt with something like "What will my world be without you?"

And then she does this to me.

I hate her. Yes I definately hate her. But there's a part of me that loves a part of her. However false and fake those parts might be. It's 99% hate and 1% love. But yes, there is 1% there. Even though I hate her and I really want her dead, I'm still sorry to lose her. I can't explain it.

If I could say one thing to her right now.. I wouldn't say anything at all. But there would be so many things I wanted to say.

I've never believed in God, but right now, I wish there was. Even if it meant I'd go to hell too for not believing in him, as long as she burned with me.

Is it weird that I feel tacky and fake whenever I'm happy?>