I've been reading through my old entries, correcting my grammer and suchlike, and I noticed two things.

1. I have a major problem with capitalisation, particularly capitalising my "i"s

2. I say "He/She/I/It was like" too much. Which is lazy.

So I'm going to be working on both points very hard so that I can once again, be a good little English student. There's no point trying to improve my vocabulary if I can't even use a variety of words or grammer correctly.

Anyway, that aside, I did that thing again. I know, I know, you'd think that somebody who's doing something should at least be able to say it, but it's just kind of awkward. And for the first time ever, Randy used the *slaps* action. I felt so hurt and traumatised. Well okay, perhaps not going quite that far, but I noticed it. I also admitted to him another reason for it, which I guess worried him more. Meh.

I guess the reason I have a problem writing about it in here is that while I'm okay talking about it with Sibz and Randy and even Tristan, I don't want to talk about it with anybody else. Not even Sam or Lizzie. Well I'm not even sure if Lizzie knows. And I don't think either of those people read my diary religiously, but I don't know, I just feel stupid. Mostly because I know it is stupid. So why do I continue?

I only want to be perfect. Is that so much to ask?

No, I don't even want to be perfect. I just don't want to be so imperfect. I realise that writing non-stop about how ugly I think I am is very tiresome, but it's true. I don't look like a normal girl. Thats all I want. I just want to look averagely attractive but relatively normal. Why don't I look normal? I practically have a man's build as well. I have such broad shoulders. Jeeze even my breasts could be explained away with way too many steroids. Maybe I should cut my hair off and tell people I'm a guy on steroids. They'd probably believe me. Even my voice is pretty androgynous.

Oh I don't know. I think I'll feel better about myself when I take a bath (My shower is broken) and tidy my room and put on clean clothes. My room is such a tip.

Hey maybe I should actually start taking steroids. I want to be physically stronger and steroids also clear up skin... I mean sure I wouldn't be hugely attractive as a result of it, but maybe I could beat Tamzin to a pulp. That would be something.

No, no, Annie, violence is wrong.

Meh, I could be a bullemic, steroid abusing person who nobody quite knows the gender of. Fabulous.

No, what I really need is to get out of here. I'm not kidding. I'll be better when I get out of London, I'm not suited to it. I need big spaces, I like being outdoors and being outdoors in London is practically like being indoors underneath the layer of pollution. I need clean air and I need healthy meals. Note, at the moment my diet is basically just Indian takeaways. I can't stay in London any longer. Not even for the two years until I finish my A levels. I need to get out. Now.

My dad's moving out of London at some point though. I think I'm going to ask to go with him. He'll probably move down to Devon or something. Devon's fine with me. Anywhere.>