Do you know when things just suddenly hit you? Not like a Tamzin style punch n the face, more like a 40 mile an hour kick in the stomach? And you just realise something? How about when you repeatedly get the 40 mile an hour kick in the stomach? Then the pain numbs, and then it hits you again.

I guess you'd get a bit paranoid and start looking around for things that could possibly hit you in the stomach at 40 miles an hour.

Well it just hit me. Again. One of my best friends cuts her arms, refers to herself as a tiger because of the scars (jokingly or not), will only talk to a guy who lives across the Atlantic about it, has cut her wrists recently, thinks about suicide, and my results are coming out on Thursday.

That's worse than a kick in the stomach. That's like contemplating Sibz not being there, and that's worse than contemplating me not being here. And I assume most people would prefer a kick in the stomach to dying.

Now how about if we add to the equasion that my other best friend has attempted suicide.. what.. 3 times? 4? All of which came increadibly suddenly. Forgive me for being a bit of a nervous wreck today.

Then on top of that we have the little worries: Joe could be lying in a ditch dead somewhere, Randy could have been whisked off to prison for doing weed, Lizzie might have been murdered by Tamzin (Okay okay, I know that one's not true cause I'm talking to Lizzie right now.. but it could be Tamzin *Gasps* impersonating her.) Or maybe Stephanie's fallen off a cliff somewhere. And maybe Kalim hates me. And maybe everyone I care about (including myself) is going to attempt suicide after receiving their results. Maybe Ben's told the entire world the contents of my diary.

The what ifs are just too many to count.

But I'm not really worried about the what ifs. Well I am a little bit about Joe. I think without Sibz and Sam the world would come to an end. Or mine would anyway.>