I can't write today. I wrote like 3 entries and deleted them all because they sucked. I'm just finding it really difficult to express myself.

So I'm going to talk about one of the slighly less important emotions that I'm experiencing right now. I say less important only because it was a film that made me realise it.

Cruel Intentions. I really liked the girl. You know. The really manipulative one. I found it sexy. I to an extent admired the control she had. Not necessarily her ability to manipulate, because I think to an extent I have that ability as well. No. It wasn't her ability to do it, it was her willingness to do it.

And I think that's part of my thing with Tamzin is I admire the very thing that I despise about her. The fact that not only is she willing, but that she enjoys to emotionally hurt people. It's cruel but I can't help but hold an admiration for it. No respect. But admiration. But then again, I'm better than her because I'm not willing to use it. So you know.. *shrugs* I can admire all I want, but I'm not about to jump in there and hurt people, because it's wrong.

I'm going to post a poem here, because, I like poems. And I write them. And nobody ever gets to see them really. So I thought I'd show the world.

Didn�t you hear the sun rise?

Didn�t you feel her say goodbye?

Didn�t you taste him giving in?

Don�t you see it on your tongue?

Can�t you smell the protest begin?

Dry your hair with sand

Let your tears wash away the salt

Let your blood heal the wounds

Grow poppies but don�t misuse

Trust the serpent but don�t fall for his tricks

Solve the riddle with only pieces and bits

Anarchy is in your communist heart

Pushing me down

Your empty eyes are open

But not your mind

Please destroy my soul inside>