I'm going to have to learn to be tolerant. Of people. Specifically those less clever and less emotionally mature than me. Not to be arrogant, and I'm aware that I don't come across as especially "emotionally mature" a lot. But I could be a LOT worse. And a lot of the reason I don't is because my diary is basically just full of all my little breakdowns.

But stupid people are just my pet peeve. When somebody isn't as clever as me I often get so impatient and feel like grinding their head into the ground. Especially arrogant stupid people, that's just.. the worst thing in the world. And clever people who pretend to be stupid. But I think arrogant stupid people are slightly worse.

But that aside, I don't like myself when I'm stupid. And I don't like myself when I'm stubborn. And I can't really expand on that right now..

But what I hate most about myself is if people already think I'm eccentric I have to act more eccentric or something - it's like if someone already thinks it I might as well go all the way on it. The same if somebody's pissed off with me, I'd feel stupid stopping them from being pissed off with me, so I have to annoy them more and more and more. It's just the way I operate and it kind of annoys me. It's such an act. I'm an actor. I'm not a particularly good actor, but if I make believe that it's real I can be.

I don't have much to write right now you know. We saw Tamzin on the bus yesterday. She said hi. We didn't hit her over the head with the bass guitar we had with us as Sibz's mother suggested that we should have. Damn.

She's still around and she's not about to vanish from all of our lives. Fuck. One day I'll move out of London and I'll be able to forget about her. Until then I guess she's in my life whether I like it or not (and being completely honest I can't say whether I do like it or not) But oh well. She's not my friend and I have no intention of ever being her friend again. But she is around.

Ha, Stephanie amused me last night. She told me that she wanted to go on the Atkins diet, and that she knew I'd think she was shallow and stupid and pathetic and self obsessed but she wanted to anyway. Ha! I told her that I have no grounds for thinking that and gave her my diaryland address. But fuck.. Ha. It cheered me up for a bit. Especially because it was kind of ironic as I did it again last night..

It's slightly more retarded seeing as I made a "No doing stupid things" rule. But oh well. I'm stupid. I can't help doing stupid things now and again.

But on a completely seperate and much more relevant note. I have come to conclusion that anybody who turns out even remotely interesting goes through the whole "I'm not normal. I'm different. I'm special!" phase. They try to make themselves more different then they are, they think they're different to everybody else. And they are! They just haven't found themselves. We make ourselves what we are. But CERTAIN PEOPLE (who I adore) should be more tolerant about that phase even though they might have gone through it long ago. (Meh, I went through it at the end of year 9 / begining of year 10)

I think all it is, the only thing that seperates people who want to be different (ie the people going through that phase) and the people who just don't want to be the same as everybody else. The people who just don't want to be the same, have in a sense, found themselves. They already know they're not the same. They don't have to try.

I didn't explain that well at all. My mind's a bit muddled. But I think I know what I'm talking about.

Posers. They're not posers really. They're normal people. It's just a phase. And you can spot them so easily.>