When I first met Tamzin, she used to be a lot less shallow than she is now (Unless she's changed dramatically over the past ... however long it's been) Not that I condemn her for that of course, I think that I used to be a lot less superficial as well.

But back then we used to talk about stuff. Just our views on this and that and whatever happened to pop up into the conversation. Neither of us had boyfriends (or girlfriends) and neither of us had any huge interests either, so we just talked about anything and everything. One of the things that she told me was that she had no friends, only mates. I often wondered what somebody had to acheive to move up in the world from the mediocre rank of Tamzin's "mate" to the great honour of being Tamzin's "friend". I never asked her, but I did take note of how rigidly she made this distinction.

For me it has never been like that, I didn't notice Sam turning from a casual aquaintance into one of my best friends, nor did I notice Ben, Kalim, Stephanie or anybody else becoming my "friends". They just did.

There is an exception to this rule though, and that would be Sibz. It was almost as simple as her being an aquaintance one day, and one of my best friends the next (There's never really been an inbetween, once somebody is my friend they are almost automatically one of my best friends, because I have so few)

It wasn't anything that she said or did, it wasn't like that. Perhaps it was more of a realisation that she was a proper "friend" than an actual change in her rank.

Who would have thought before that she would turn out to be one of my best friends? Hell, let's be honest, I don't have any friends as good as her, she IS my best friend. Sam's close, but ... it's just not the same. At first we were just two people who seemed to have rather a lot in common (In comparison to what we had with most people anyway) but I would never have forseen us becoming good friends. Hell at one point I was trying to convince Polly that I didn't like Sibz any more than her. Well that was a lie even at the time, but still, I wouldn't have forseen it.

But when I actually began to consider Sibz an actual "friend" was in an afternoon registration. I was sitting on the table, half talking to Stephanie, and Sibz's name somehow came up. Tommy, the stupid bastard that he is, said something along the lines of "Oh, she's the fat goth girl" and I went ... well... with a shortage of nicer terms, fucking mental with him. I was getting so upset and so worked up, and it felt like he was purposefully trying to be mallicious. I didn't think Sibz was fat (Heh, and don't worry Sibz, I still don't) and I couldn't understand why he would possibly say such a thing.

I was going on and on about how much I'd like to kill him to Ben and Kalim, and I was practicing throwing some ... well, at the time they were pretty pathetic punches. I ended up hitting him with my bag in the end I believe. I used to carry all of my books around in my bag. It was heavy. But he laughed. I guess I didn't get enough momentum. And I was so pissed off.

Now that event in itself doesn't really have much significance other than that I'm crap at standing up for my friends and always have been. I'm all talk. But it did cause me to realise later that day, that I cared about Sibz, and I was not willing to have people put her down.

That was all much better phrased when I was writing it in my head.

You know, earlier I was also thinking about whether Sibz will come with me to get my A level results as well, but then I remembered that her GCSE results will come out the same year, so I guess we'll be going to get my A level results, and then a week later, her GCSE ones.

I wonder when Sam's going to get his results for his "Diploma". I haven't asked him much about it, I ought to. I will.

It's six thirty in the morning, and I've been trying to get to sleep since about three thirty. This is ridiculous. I don't want to fix my sleeping pattern the hard way again. But I think I'm going to have to. Dammit. Well I'm off to try again.

I'll write something more interesting next time.>