All I have to do to make myself happy is: Tidy my room, eat reletively healthily, make myself believe that things are going better even if they aren't, make a friend at school, do my homework, purchase pink nail polish, go back to being straight edge, spend a day shopping with my mum, get my timetable completely fixed and stop obsessing over the hot, intelligent, articulate, sharp, beautiful, politically aware, left wing girl in the cool t-shirt.

Oh and also joining Ryan at the cinema on Saturday evening with a couple of friends might also add to my immediate happiness. More on that as the story develops.

I'm becoming so normal.. but no, I don't think I'm becoming any different, I'm not a normal person, it's only that my life is becoming rapidly more conventional, and hey, I'm pretty happy with that right now. I have crushes, I have school, I have problems and I have hobbies. There's still the fact that I want to be dictator of the world, but right now that can take a back seat.

In a way I'm content, but at the same time, if I could find an emotion relative to sadness in the way that content is to happiness, I would be that too. I guess maybe... "discontent" might work. But not exactly... I can't quite put my finger on it. I can say what's causing it, but I can't find a word for the emotion itself.

I'm worried about Sibz, upset about not having any friends at school, I'm disappointed that my timetable hasn't been sorted out yet, embarrassed that I've come to like Madonna, and pissed off that Harriet and Sibz have lowered themselves to name calling.

I'm just not feeling those emotions as intensely as usual. Nor am I feeling emotions of happiness as intensely. It'll do for now. I'll question it when I have a bit more motivation.>