Ah what of today? I spent it hanging around with Ryan and this really nice Chinese girl called Annabell (I'm not 100% sure that's how you spell it.. I've seen it spelled so many different ways, Anabelle, Annabelle, Anabell, Annabel, Anabel.. it's like people just hazard a guess at how to spell their child's name)

Me and Ryan got into a bit of an "I'm ugly!" "No you're not, I am!" debate, and then I went into the library to do some homework and as he was about to go up the stairs he turned and said "Do homework, and remember, you're not ugly, you're cute" and then disappeared up the stairs. He also lay on my legs as a pillow while he was sitting on the floor. Ooooh, I like him, I like him.

But

A small problem has come up. Annabell was in a bit of a gigglish mood in the library, telling me about the 30,000 boys she likes (She is very nice, but she talks too much and she's quite girly) and I mentioned to her that I like Ryan, and that Nathan had said he likes me as well. She told me that it doesn't suprise her that he likes me. But... apparantly he's kind of having a "break" from his girlfriend. And I don't want to be the rebound girl. Especially not if he's just going to end up back with his girlfriend afterwards.

So I guess this is a.. well, I guess that means I'm not going to be going out with him even if he asks me. But I do like him. A lot.

In a friend way alone, I like him better than Nathan now.

Things are coming together so nicely. I have a nice circle of college friends. Ryan, Nathan, Annabell, Ezra, the girl who I can never remember the name of, talked to Amy again today, a bunch of other townies who seem a little bit obsessed with me (Or curious anyway, it's not like before where they just insulted me, they honestly seem curious)

Today I was out with Ezra, Annabell and the girl who's name I can't remember (Ryan was in a lesson) and I stopped to buy nail polish (pink!) Some townies came up to me and one of them said "Is it true that you're a lesbian?" and I said, "No, actually I'm bisexual" and she was like "REALLY!? Oh.. I'm going to pray for you, because you know, only people with demons have that"

And I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER in my 16 years of existance been so offended. Not only was she condemning me for a personal lifestyle choice, but she was imposing her religion on me, and you know what? I don't want to hear it. If I wanted to know what she thought of my sexuality, I'd ask her, if I even told her I was bisexual and she said that, I'd look past it. The fact is, she came up to me in the street and told me I was posessed by demons.

I yelled, "EZRA!!!" (The only people Ezra does not tolerate are intolerant people, although apparantly he used to be really violent and sadistic) But by the time he got to me, they'd stopped. And I was just standing there looking horrified. I didn't even notice he was there actually, I just walked off back towards the girls.

I told Ryan about it, and he told me that I should have just told them to fuck off and go bother God some more, but I don't understand. The school is so diverse, there are so many different cultures that are acceptable, and yet my sexuality is not? The fact that I find other human beings attractive is weird because they're human beings of the same sex? The fact that I could potentially fall in love with somebody of the same gender makes me a freak? I hate homophobic people. I really do. There's a thing about them that makes them worse than racists, and that's that it's not even just shallow as I think racism is, it's not accepting people for who they are, and it's not respecting their different beliefs and tastes, it's not respecting who they are. And it gets to me. I would rather be hated because I'm ugly than hated because I'm bisexual.

And I don't want anybody to pray for me.

And that's the second encounter this week with people who think homosexuality is wrong. Maybe I'm not used to it because my family are so open minded. And the type of people I make friends with tend to be very open minded as well. And I don't make friends because I think they're open minded. I automatically assume that none of my friends are homophobic and that's that. I don't even feel that I should have to ask, or even tell them my sexuality. I expect that they're tolerant, and if it turned out that they weren't, I would be shocked.>