Frustration is one of the worst emotions you can feel I think. I can deal with sadness and I can deal with regular anger, but frustration is just completely unbearable. And I think one of the most frustrating things in the world is the sense of injustice.

No matter how big or small this injustice is, it feels just the same. It makes me want to stand up and throw bricks through glass windows. It makes me want to throw bricks at the heads of the wrongdoers. It eats me up. When I say injustice I do mean only getting one hour watching the television or whatever while someone else gets two, but I also mean big things. I mean when someone gets arrested for having a spliff on them while someone else is out beating the shit out of their wife or whatever and the police do nothing because it's easier to just take the teenagers with a bag of Weed in. I will never understand the system.

And no, neither of these examples are actually relavant. I don't watch television and none of my friends have recently been arrested for having a bag of Weed. I'm just saying... injustice is everywhere and I can't control the feelings of frustration that it plauges me with.

That's all I have to say on the matter. I dreamed about Ryan last night. Ryan and a witch and a gateway to another world... It started out in a field, and then we pulled some kind of trigger and sank through the grass into this other world, which was in a barn. Then we went to this room.. my room I think, and there was this witch there, and she took hostage my bag and told me to bring her some ring thing. And then Ryan betrayed me and he seemed to be on her side. Anyway, I went to get her this ring and it seemed to be a mood ring. But there were two lyign there, one was black and one was blue, and I knew that it was the black one that she wanted, but I also knew that it had some kind of power that would cause destruction. So I froze the blue one until it had turned black and then I brought her that one. Then I took my bag back and left. And then I was outside this room looking for something, and I turned my light on to find it, and then I found it and turned my light off, and then it was like a commentary, or a voice over, and my voice was saying "And then she realised that as easy as the light had switched on and off, she could easily make me forget. And so I forgot" and then I woke up.

I find it kind of creepy actually. Just the idea that in the end of the dream I forgot everything. What if ... I don't know. What if ... what if I really have forgotten something important. I mean I'm obviously not implying that I've been transported to another world and met a witch who held my school bag hostage so I would bring her a ring, just that... there are things that I've forgotten. And there are things that some people do have the power to make me forget, or at least influence my views on them.

Yesterday in sociology we were discussing the Marxist theory of education. Basically about how the purpose of education is to keep people in the class they were born into and produce new generations of workers, and the hidden curriculum brainwashes us into fitting into the system, and tries to justify inequality by indoctrinating us into the belief that we deserve to be where we end up etc. In fact it seems basically exactly the same as functionalism's view of it except with a negetive outlook :-s Anyhow, made me feel very much like I'm being priocessed. Super.

And the fact is that I know that half of what it says is true. And I know that I AM being processed. Ryan said that the only way to break free of the system is to know how it works and where you fit into it. But this is a system so rigid that you CAN'T break out of it. I mean what cna you do but accept it? You can drop out of school. Paul Willis wrote a study about how working class boys realise that the system is against them and so they drop out of school and end up with even more exploitative dead end jobs. Yeah, that's not really a solution. And I don't want to anyway, because, in all honesty, I'm enjoying learning. Particularly sociology and english, and even politics is looking up a bit. Still not too happy with history, but oh well, I hope it will get better. But God, I don't want to be processed.

I won't be. I vow now, I won't work for somebody else... I don't know what I'll do. I'm not going to just easily slip into place in the current system though. Some peopel might be proud to fit in, to be a part of something. But that's just not me. I'll find something else.>