Here I am. This is me. I think I found a part of myself while I was on holiday. Not all of myself, I don't suppose that I'll ever manage that, but certainly a part of myself. I think this is the first time I've been truely happy and not hated myself for it. In fact, I think this is the first time I've been truely happy, otherwise how COULD I hate myself?

It was a mixture of my holiday and those 2 / 3 weeks with Ryan. When I look at myself now, I see somebody beautiful staring back at me (And believe me, I'm not trying to be arrogant, or Tamzinlike) and I have a theory on why that is.

The more you get to know a person, the less ugly they get. I mean... there are some people who the first time you look at them, they're pretty damn ugly, but when you become friends with them, you stop assosiating their face with ugliness, you connect it with their personality and their personality, in a sense, is how they look to you. I'm probably not explanining well. When I first saw Ezra, I thought he was hideous, but now I know him better and when I see his face I don't think it's ugly, I just connect it with him as a person. His personality, his character.

Tamzin... Tamzin... it's been a while (A couple of weeks) since I thought of her at any great length, and when I have, I haven't really felt anything. I think it's time I just forgive her and move on. And I will. In fact, I'm going to tell her that I do. And nobody's going to stop me from doing that, because nobody should be able to stop me from making a decision like that. I have the freedom to do what I want to do, and that's what I want to do. I just want to turn over a new leaf with her. With everyone. I'm just going to forgive everyone who's ever hurt me. I might not trust them as much anymore, I might not forget, but why not just fucking forgive them? I can't force myself to hate them. I can't force myself to hate anybody.

I may be too forgiving. But ... well ... Ezra made me realise that that's actually a good thing.

I wonder if she's really happy with herself for all her talk. I don't think there's really a way of knowing. She might be, she might not. I think only she really knows.

Tamzin is an example of somebody who got uglier the more I knew her. But... I don't know. I can't know. And one of the things that the bible preaches that I DO agree with is the idea of forgiveness, and the idea of turning the other cheek. People should just be nice to eachother, because I think that everyone deserves it. There's no such thing as real evil. Everybody has something about them that you can love, even if it's tiny.

Ah... I don't know. What do I know about the world?

I'm only 16.>