Hasn't been passed yet. Watch the news you fool!

But anyhow, yeah. Fuck.

I don't know what I've done to deserve this.

I haven't DONE anything.

I don't know what I've done to deserve Ryan's complete avoidance of me. He dumped me. HE dumped ME. He had a reason for it, fine, I respect that, he's still not over his ex girlfriend, I was the rebound girl. I can live with that. But why must he now avoid me? I don't hate him, but I'm not in love with him either. I'm not bitter about his breaking up with me and nor will I ever be. I am bitter about the fact that when he sees me coming, he hides. I don't know why. I haven't done anything. What have I done?

I don't know what I've done to deserve Ezra's hot and cold treatment of me. I've tried to piece it together, but I've come to the conclusion that he's really a woman and has very irregular periods.

I don't know what I've done to deserve Nathan's apathy to my social position. He cared once.

I don't know what I've done to deserve to be the only one to come without ready made friends. Ben has so many friends that I feel so awkward takling to him. I feel like an intruder.

I don't know what I've done to deserve the fact that my social life mostly consists of meaningless idle chatter.

But what can I do?

The only thing I can do is to keep on going for the hope that there's something better. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, except that it's different. Except that it's not anything that I have now or that i've ever had before. It's some kind of way out. I don't know out of what exactly. But something. Something that I don't like. I just want to find myself. Once I find myself I won't need anybody else. They'll be an additional joy.

Maybe I'm deluding myself.

I probably am.

But all I know is that I have to keep on going because I have no other choice.>