No! It's not doom and gloom for Annie today! I'm feeling slightly better! (Well, marginally better, but that's something right?) I just need to put things into perspective a bit I think. The fact of the matter is: I'm not a bad person. I can be annoying, I can be irritating, I can be boring but on the whole I'm a good person with interesting things to say and something to contribute to society. I might not be hanging out with my friends as much as I used to, and I might be dealing with some extra hormones, and I might be having trouble coping with certain inevibilities, but it's time I cut it all back down to size.

It takes at least two people to build any kind of relationship, and seeing as I've been putting almost nothing into my friendships for the last few months, I'm not really sure why I'm expecting to get anything out of them. I need to focus on more than one thing at a time or this is going to kill me. Jo and the Bens and Steven and everyone - they're new friends. I can't expect for them to love me straight away. Especially not when I trail along behind them and ask timidly if they mind me stalking them for the next hour. I need to act more like I already know I'm welcome - which I do. Sometimes I FEEL like I'm not welcome, but I KNOW that I am. I need to talk to them more individually, especially Asgha and Daniel who I've barely even looked at.

Another thing I need to do: Homework. I need to stop mooching around, zoning out for hours on end, sitting on the computer hoping for somebody to come online before I have to do homework, playing games with my mouse cursor. I need to sit the fuck down in the corner of my room where there's plenty of space, get my folder out, work out exactly what the homework is and DO it.

I need to get out more as well. Sitting inside all day not even being bothered to brush my hair or change my clothes or even shower is not helping my self esteem. I need to go out, meet new people, hang out with old friends, whatever, I need to get out of my bedroom or how the hell am I ever going to face the real world? I'm gonna be some 40 year old living with my mother forever.

Like Sue from her mum's work. Her mum is 70 years old and she still prepares Sue's meals for when she gets home, and does all the washing and cleaning. And Sue has no life outside of work and her mother. Fuck I wonder how she's gonna cope when the woman dies.

I need to clean my room. I know it seems ridiculous, but I feel infinately better when my room is tidy. I need to have space.

I need to carry on reading to my sisters because that's a good opportunity to spend time with them.

I need to force my step dad to read Stupid White Men so that we can be united in our love for Michael Moore.

Most of all: I NEED TO GET A HOBBY.

See, I think that's what's been getting me down. I haven't been seeing my friends as much, and without conversation I have nothing else to do because I don't really have any hobbies. I don't play any instruments, I can't draw, I can't skate, I don't like computer games, I can only write when I'm in exactly the right mood, I can't knit, I cant juggle and I cannot do any kind of sports. So when I'm down, there's nothing that I can do to pick me up.

Now, I just made a big old list of things that I can't do (as you may have noticed) and so, I have made the decision to learn to do some of these things. Starting with drawing. Cause I'd love to be able to draw. I have an artistic mind, but am void of artistic talent.>