I don't think that Sibz understands that my step half uncle outside law, Sam, is not like normal people. He's the kind of person who actually doesn't talk to strangers on msn, he's different. He doesn't need persecution.

That was random.

I was talking to him last night actually, kind of pouring my heart and soul out to him, and he told me, he told me exactly what I already knew, he told me I needed to find something that I enjoy doing. He said that he spends all his money on Ganja, only goes outside to smoke or to hang around with his friends, and apart from that, the only thing that he really enjoys is listening to music. But then he said that that was all okay, because he'd found something that he really really enjoyed.

And then the ultimate anti-climax. He just went:

"Health and social care."

Apparantly the course he's doing at college has changed is life. I think that is just about the last thing I ever expected to hear him say, but you know what? If I let it, if I actually did the homework and tried just that liiiittle bit harder, politics could probably make me really happy. I mean, Anna might be no fun, but Sheila's just brilliant! (I'm going to start a Sheila fan club, I'm serious, she is the most brilliant teacher I've ever had) But you know what my problem is? Well... there are a lot of very intelligent people in my politics class. And most of them are townies.

Now I know statistically that townies are stupid and "alternative" people are smart and whatever, and townies are in a minority. But - but - but - but.... I hate people who are smarter than me. Especially when they wear boring clothes that everyone wears and listen to crap music that everyone listens to. At least individual "alternative" people have their own style. Hm... but anyway, about half of them are smarter than me, and about 3 are more articulate. And it really upsets me!

And! Of the three who are more articulate - One is Louis, very rational but interesting thought out views on the left side of the spectrum, a right wing tory scumbag, and, and, and, AND, a fucking anarchist. An anarchist is better at presenting his opinions than I am. I'm sorry, but I have a stereotype about anarchists and part of that stereotype is that they're stupid. They just say that they're anarchists cause they like an excuse to just break whatever laws they want and do what the hell they like. This guy is - well... he's wonderful, and I think he's really cool, but he's an anarchist for fucks sake! My socialist politics teacher just loves to pick on him. She adores him though.

Okay, well that was me going off on a tangent. Anyway, step half uncle. Yeah, he brought back another Tamzin memory actually.

One time I was sitting with Tamzin talking about Buffy in a most civil and friendly way, and she said something along the lines of, "I can't believe Dawn only gets her first kiss when she's 15!"

"Well I'm 15 and I still haven't been kissed"

"Yeah but Dawn's.. you know.. pretty"

I was telling him about this, and he made me feel bad, cause he was saying, "I can't believe you. You used to be so stubborn, brave and strong willed that you wouldn't have even thought twice about knocking her lights out"

And he knows best. He's the only person who's known me my whole life but has only seen me now and again (Maybe twice a year) so I mean he's seen me change and grow the clearest. And he's right. I have become a pathetic shell of myself. He said that I've changed for the better in some ways. But I don't believe that. Not at all.>