I'm angry today. Mostly with myself but also with other people and things. I'm furious with orange Ryan. I don't know why, just my annoyance at the fact that he's avoiding me is coming back. If only there were something I'd done that was my fault and I could ... you know... at least know what it was.. but no... he just has to avoid me. One day is like the best day we ever had together and then it's like... cold turkey. And it sucks. And I know it's pathetic, but I'm not completely over him. I liked him a lot.

I'm angry with the world too. Nothings fair. People die every day when they don't even have to. The world isn't fair. The media lies. The government lies. I just wish there was at least one person in the universe who I knew I could trust. But I don't trust anybody. At all. I hate them. I hate everybody today.

I drew a picture. It's of me. It's quite a good picture but I look old in it. I mean it's well drawn and kind of realistic, but it looks like a picture of somebody else. I don't have any very distinctive features. Not good ones anyway...

I think I'm fat. I know I'm probably not fat. I really think I am though. I'm not as skinny as most the other girls I know. I don't know. I find it incredibly hard to judge things like this. But I think I'm fat and I ate so much junk today. Chocolates and icecream. Lots of. I'm gonna be so fat. Jesus. I don't know what I hate myself for more, the eating junk food or the hating myself for eating junk food. My, what an illogical corner I've backed myself into.

I need to go listen to my CD.>