Forget it. There's nothing I can do. There's nothing you can do. I've always believed that I was meant to make a difference. But I can't. I have no power. They have the power and they're using it agaisnt me, to keep me down. Power in the hands of the people? No. This isn't a democracy, it's an elected dictatorship. There's nobody who represents me, and so I have no power at all. What can I possibly do? No matter how much I've believed that I was special and meant to change things, there's nothing that I can do. At all. God. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do.

I don't want a boring job where I work, make money, get a promotion, make more money.

I don't even particularly want to raise a family, although I would like to foster children. (I've decided on fostering instead of adopting for various reasons)

I don't want to be a musician or an artist because it's just not me

I want to change things and I don't know how. I don't think there's anything I can do, so why the fuck am I still alive? Why am I sitting here waiting when there's nothing to wait for? What am I waiting for?

I'm not in college for the reason that I've strategically planned out my life. My only plan at the moment is to stay in full time education for as long as I possibly can. But why? I don't know. There are no top jobs I really want or anything. I just want to make a difference. THat's the only reason I can see for going on living and there is NOTHING that I can do.

I can't explain but it upsets me more than anything else. I feel so... worthless. 20 thousand people are fucking dead because of a natural disaster and I feel that it could have been prevented. 2 dead in California. 20,000 dead in Iran. And the Earthquakes had almost exactly the same magnitude. Can I stress enough how upset and angry I am? I only want to change things.>