I am completely and utterly exhausted. I could have done with an extra 10 years to just sit around doing nothing. It's underrated.

So I got to see Jo and I got to see gay Ben's cool friend (I can't pronounce her name, much less spell it) but that was pretty much the highlight of my day. Of course I saw everybody else too - Polish Ben, Steven, Nikki, Jessica, Daniel... but I didn't really talk to them. Couldn't be bothered to join in when I feel so left out.

It's hard because I know I'm in a vulnerable position. They're all friends, I'm just the girl who kind of befriended gay Ben and used that as a way of getting to know all of his sort of friends (Apart from me he's the most outside member of that group). And I mean one day they invite me out and I basically use that as an invitation to follow them every other day - and to make it worse, all the while repeatedly telling them that I'll leave if they want me to - which must irritate the fuck out of them. You know?

I've basically just latched onto them because all of my original friendships there failed.

Oh need I say again that I'm not good with friends?

I saw Ryan again today as well. Orange Ryan that is. When he saw me coming he looked away. I walked past him kind of going "hey" as I carried on walking. He ignored me. Then I realised I was on the wrong floor and I had to walk past him again. I wonder what I did wrong... I think it's just that I'm too annoying and loud.

Culture. You know if I compiled a list of the top 10 things I most often think about, culture would be pretty high up on there. This is because I feel that if there's one thing that peopel mos toften try to use against me, it's my culture. Now I don't mean ethnic background here. What I mean is because I dress different and like rock music, I get made fun of 25 hours a day.

Now we all know that these things don't make me unique. Lots of peopel liek the same music as me and dress "alternative" but see, that is my culture

Things I've noticed:

* "Alternative" people tend to be more intelligent than your every day, run of the mill townie.

* "Alternative" people tend to be more politically aware.

* "Alternative" people seem to develop their own individual styles within their culture, which townies don't.

* "Alternative" people tend to get more depressed, and are more likely to have clinical depression.

* "Alternative" people tend to be more accepting of homosexuality.

* "Alternative" people tend to be less religious.

Thse are all things (With the exception of the depressed part) which I like about my culture. This is why I'm a part of it. (Besides being in love with Camden market and having a decent taste in music)

But the thing is, that's a culture that I've chosen to be a part of. Let's take for example another culture - British culture. Now I know that British culture is very different to American culture. They watch more tv, eat more, are more greedy, consider school less important, value money more, value the ability to own a gun - and tend to be really arrogant. (Stereotyping I know, but hear me out)

The thing is, I think in America, they're all more wrapped up in being Americans than taking their time coming up with these silly little sub culture's we've got going here. I mean they have preps and they have punks and goths and whatever, and I suppose what would be townies here are kind of "ghetto" there. But those categories don't seem to play nearly as big a part as they do here. They find other stuff to pick on you for there - class, race, whatever. It's very odd. But it's kind of what I've been picking up from various Americans (And of course, the television)

Do correct me if I'm wrong.

I also think that more people in America have a decent taste in music but that might be because I'm not really seeing any TV shows set in inner city New York or my perception might be different. I don't know. That was a pointless little ramble. >