Some events occured yesterday that allowed me to see things from a slightly different perspective. What if somebody read my diary, an adult, a cop for example. Well what exactly would they think of it? For a start, they would realise quite how insane it is to be a depressed, bisexual 16 year old middle class alternative girl living in a city that doesn't feel like your home - living in a country that doesn't feel like your home. Secondly my political views would probably disagree with most coppers' philosophy.

And it's possible that this could happen. They have Am's diary, my diary is linked to Am's diary because they think he's been advocating suicide. I would be suprised if they didn't look at at least a couple of the diaries he's linked to, if nothing else, out of curiosity, or to use the people concerned as witnesses. I know that Sibz has deleted the contents of her entire diary because of this, but I've decided not to for several reasons.

1. I don't want to lose all the thoughts and memories that I've put in this diary over the last ... however many months.

2. I don't intend to give up my right to freedom of speech out of fear.

3. I think that invading Am's privacy and reading his diary was wrong. I understand that it is very stupid to put certain stuff on the internet, but teenagers are by definition stupid as hell. Even if he was advocating suicide, I don't really know what business of theirs it is.

4. My diary doesn't really contain anything that I'd be.. well.. I don't know. It contains stuff I'd rather didn't get out in the open, but nothing huge.

5. I think maybe they should read my diary, it might teach them a thing or two.

1) About what it's like to be 16.

2) What it's like to have emotions and beliefs and what it's like to respect others.

But anyway, what would they think... what would I think if I were 15 years older and I read this thing... I'd probably think that I was backing down to some sort of peer pressure.. a stupid death culture or something (I'm not denying that I'm going to become an incredibly teen-hating adult) I'd probably feel a bit sorry for myself. I'd think I was a bit overdramatic. I'd think I was incredibly angsty. I'd want myself to grow the hell up basically.

And I think I should. Grow the hell up that is. I think that after a year has passed since I started writing this thing, I'm going to close a chapter of my life. I might start a new diary, I don't know, but this diary is coming to an end, because I can already see that I've changed since the begining and not necessarily in a good way. I've become more articulate and open minded, but I've also subscribed to this whole stupid depression culture, which works because I'm depressed, but I have to ask myself why I'm depressed, I mean it's not clinical (I don't think) and so I can do something about it.

This weekend will be spent copying this diary onto paper so that when the time comes, I'm ready to let it go.

I still think it's... ridiculous... that the police are stealing a depressed 14? 15? year olds diary. I just... nevermind. I'm not even going to try to explain how ridiuclous I think it is today.

Any police are reading this, do you think you could maybe have done something sooner about this neighbourhood thug who was threatening my entire family (Including my 5 and 9 year old sisters - who were younger at the time) BEFORE he assaulted my step dad? Just wondering...>