Well hello, you sexy diary of mine.

Let me quickly go over my week, just so I can have some kind of justification for the amount I want to kill somebody right now.

Sunday: Did something stupid.("That Thing")

Monday: Sit in protest. Did not enjoy it. Ended up crying. Blah, you read the diary.

Tuesday: That would be the day I resorted to pouring my heart and soul into Lucinda

Wednesday: Ill. Spent the day sitting miserably alone in my room. Did something stupid. ("That Thing")

Thursday: Hugged Tamzin. Enough said.

Friday: Had a massive argument with my mother, told her she was no longer my mother and that I wanted nothing to do with her (Angsty I know), stormed out, spent an uncomfortable night at Sibz's house.

Saturday: Hellish day Christmas shopping with no money. Only managed to get presents for family members.

Well where do I start? Can't believe I did that thing twice in a week, I mean I completely stopped for a long time and now I feel really dirty and stupid. But forget that, it's not that important. I want to talk about Thursday.

See, I went to get my GCSE certificates, and Ben and Kalim and Tamzin and Adetola - and all these people I hadn't seen in so long, they were all there. And I ended up hanging around with them, and Tamzin was trying to make conversation with me and I didn't want to ruin the evening by telling her to piss off or anything, so I was talking to her, and then, and then, and then we had dinner out. It was nice. Tamzin and Kalim shared my refillable drink, because they were too cheap to buy their own (Although, to be fair, Ben did buy me mine).

Anyway, when we left, I hugged Adetola and I hugged Ben and I hugged Kalim and I went to shake Tamzin's hand, but she held her arms open for a hug and so I hugged her. And God I hate myself. I've gone and done it. I knew it would happen. I've forgiven her, I'm such a fuckup. I know that sometimes you should forgive and forget, but soemtimes it's just out of the question. And it should be out of the question. But I don't know... I don't know.

Shoot me.

Is it always right to let things go and to forgive somebody who's hurt you?

What if they haven't just hurt you, what if they've hurt your friends?

What if they do it repeatedly, and show no sign of stopping?

What if they do it just because they enjoy doing it and because they know they can get away with it?

What if you love them?

What if part of the reason that you love them ties into the way they treat people?

I don't know, I hate her, I love her. I should hate her anyway. I want to hate her. If I could force myself to hate her I would, but all I can do is hate myself for not hating her.

THIS MONKEY'S GONE TO HEAVEN

THIS MONKEY'S GONE TO HEAVEN

THIS MONKEY'S GONE TO HEAVEN

THIS MONKEY'S GONE TO HEAVEN>